Grandmother in the Twenty First Century.

G- Son “Good evening Gran Mother. How was you day? Did anything eventful happened on your outing?”

GM  “But lawd Mi cyaa undastan di yong peopel dem. Afta mi deh pon di bus hear one likle chile bout a nuff               male deh pon har fone cauz a pure massage she ah get.

GM  ” If a Did Eva my daughta dat..a lack har inna di house to claat!”

“She no know seh too much male nuh gud fi har. One male at a time she fi accep”

G-Son “Mam.. I think she meant she had a lot of Mail on her Phone due to getting a lot of messages.”

GM    “But yuh no ez…how di rass you a go tell mi weh mi hear when you neva deh deh?”

“Look pan dah pissin tail bowy ya. Have some respeck fi you eldaz!”
G-Son :  (Awkward Silence)

GM  “As mi did a seh bifore I was so rudeily intarupted

“Di Chile need some religion inna har life.

“Chu mi neva wah bi too fass, or mi woulda go sing mi numba one gasple sang fi har: In Har Heart.

GM   “Di young peple dem now adayz need Jesas inna dem heart bad bad!
G-Son “Gran Mother. that is not a Religious song. You don’t understand the metaphor.”
GM  “Meta wah? …  Bowy a badwud yuh a u tell me?”

“Mine yuh manaz bifore a Haffi kick in yuh two front teet dem.”

“If Mi neva feel bad seh you did alredy look like di rat dem pan animal farm I wuda do jus dat.”

GM   “But my jesas seh fi be kind to di strupid

G-Son “Mam Metaphor is a literary device used to draw comparison between two things that would not

otherwise be compared ..

(Gets interrupted)

GM  “Lawd a Wah dis werl ah come to!”

“But cooya..sen you gah skool and you wah tell me weh mi can and don’t know?”

“Bowy you betta go ketch you fasty self ova de suh. ”

GM  “IF you listen to weh the song seh you know seh a gasple song. Who no know seh havin Rasta inna you           heart mean fi be full a di holy gost.”

GM  “If you know know weh you chat seh SHUT you mout!”

G-Son – (Shutting up) …..

Good day my fellow Lords and Ladies. I shan’t take much of your time. The above is written in a distinctly Island flavoured vernacular.

I assume there will be more than a few that will not understand. Regretfully, the tone would be lost had I not used colloquial Island dialogue.

For those who do understand. What can I say?

I had a long day at work.



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