While I am appreciative of efficient public transportation. It is – at times – very hazardous.
I have come to the conclusion that taking public transportation is like skirting the site of a nuclear fallout.
The other day I was on my way home from work. I took the Bus as per normal.
(After all, I have no choice – I ‘drive’ a ten toed Lexus.)
I am standing in the Aisle innocently.
When – Like a zombie Apocalypse – this odour suddenly hits me in the face and proceeded to eat my brain; one cell at a time.
If I had to describe it. To make it prosaic. To gift you with a more vivid picture of what the experience was like.
It would go something like this:
The heavyweight champ sauntered onto the bus. He strolled silently into the aisle in which I now stood.
He paused a moment, and with a pungent right hook, proceeded to hit me across the face; repeatedly, and with
In more colloquial terms. It would be like getting a Gaza box across the face and jaw. With the majority of the
force concentrated on the bridge of the nose.
Basically, the experience was such I felt I took one more step outside my mind. Since I already had one foot on
the outside, you can understand my dilemma.
The experience left me dazed and lacking the necessary equilibrium. At one point, I struck up a conversation
with my Nose.
While standing stoically. I was mildly intrigued by the phenomena of my nose begging and pleading for mercy
Here is an excerpt.
Suddenly I heard (in a very high-pitched voice) :
Make it stop!! Make it stooppp!! Please, I beg of you! Help me, help Meeeee!!!!
Usually, I try to mind my own business. However, since my nose and I are inexorably linked.
I knew I had to act. I thought about moving, but it was rush hour.
So, brilliant fellow that I am. I started talking to my nose in order to offer some sort of moral support.
Me : Breathe man!! Breatheee!!
Nose: Is that a joke? Are you really making fun of me at a time like this?
Me: Umm.. No, I’m serious. try to get some fresh air.
Nose: I don’t know If you are blind, Having a blond moment or just plain stupid.
but In case you didn’t notice it is rush hour. And while this bus isn’t a slave ship. It is sure packed liked one.
So obviously, I can’t get fresh air. In fact, I feel like my nasal septum is about to collapse
And so, with little to no options available to me. I stood there stoically. like King Leonidas and contemplated kicking whomever it was that is allergic to bathing down a well while triumphantly Yelling
Go! have! a! SHOWAAAAAAA!!!
You want to know what the worse part is?
The offending party, clearly suffering from copious amounts of denial. Had the temerity to ask,who was it that stunk so badly.
I wanted to laugh at his audaciousness . However, I thought it better not to open my mouth for extended periods of time. Lest I spontaneously combust.