Third time’s a Charm

Iron man III. While I KNEW it would be the worst of the summer block busters this year. I was cautiously optimistic. After all, I am the Jaded Optimist.

I thought it would be the worst. Solely because I hold what I have seen of the other signature summer block busters to be of high quality. And Unlike Iron Man. I have no expectations of the general path the plot/events should follow.  Therefore, I thought it would be bad in comparison. I didn’t think I would not like the film.

That being said.While there are many things I can criticise. I can honestly say Robert Downey Jr brought his signature charismatic portrayal of Tony Stark; and it was entertaining as always.
However there are a few key points of the movie where I felt it was like playing catch with a blind man. So when I say they dropped the ball, I doubt I need say more.

Ps: Spoilers Below….Seriously.

First Key point the ruined:

How can you take one of the key Villains of Iron man: The Mandarin. And Turn him into a caricature. A sad and pale – although slightly amusing – imitation of himself. He should have been the Ra’s al Ghul to Tony’s Batman. He should have been the geniusly sadistic villain with an superannuated sense of honor; that is only matched by his preternaturally avant-garde power set.

Not a “down on his luck” aging stage actor. That agrees to stand in for the real villain. On the promise of drugs and sex. That seems to exemplify his very existence. To say the tone the trailers
set towards the Mandarin were grossly disappointing in reality. Would be a euphemism that would be criminal to utter.

Second Key point ruined:

Extermis: To give a little back ground. Extremis was a solution that was supposed to re write your brains repair centre and allow for a controlled development of physical traits in the patient. In this case superhuman enhancements.

To ground this in reality. It is like they completed the research on stem cells and perfected its application. In such a way that if you were to be Injected with said ‘solution’ your body would be break down then go through a butterfly esque evolution. And upon your emergence, whatever abilities they programmed in the ‘solution’ before they gave it to you. You would now have.

Tony used extremis to cut the processing lag between him and his suit. So that he could operate it as an extension of himself. And not as a tool (Not in the movie by the way)

So when I see they have reduced Extremis to creating heat. At temperatures that the human skin and organs cannot sustain. Enough to act as a superheated cutter for Tony’s suit. The equivalent of which would be to give a virgin scientist some viagra, give him the soubriquet: Hulk. And watch as he magically shattered continents with each placement of his loafer shod feet. While singing Omlette du fromage ( which turns out to be number one on the Billboard Hot 100).

Third Key point Ruined:

The Iron Man Armor. Iron man is called Iron man because of his armor. Shocking right?
The running gag of the move? Tony falling out of his armor…or the armor falling off of him.
It got to the point, where I thought if he sneezed while wearing it. It would shatter like crystal.

Symbolically, at the end, Tony no longer seemed to need the armor. Symbolised by him throwing away the iconic core/Arch reactor in his chest. Needless to say..Tony never…never leaves his technology just lying around for others to take and or modify.

This point was exacerbated. By his choice to destroy all his armors. The visual result of which created a firework effect for each armor respectively.

Yes… I said fireworks. And no I do not jest. Nor am I employing my penchant for hyperbole.

Among all the other things I mentioned. This is what killed the movie for me.

To have created a Suit of Armor. That can with-stand a blow from the hammer of Thor. …a Norse Deity… a ‘god’. That can protect him from blows from the Hulk. Survive in space -and if the Avengers movie was to be believed – survive in a Black Hole. To have said suit or armor/s be destroyed so effortlessly, with all the ‘drama’ – I use this loosely – and visual heat signature of a firework. Is pathetically asinine.

This is exacerbated when you are shown normal containers – the 40ft kind – exploding like a match dropped in a large tank of crude oil. With visual effect adjustments from Michael Bay.
I do not know who directed this film or if he is even to blame. But clearly someone did not read his source material.

Why is that HBO series’ adapt – even with changes for visual media – damn near perfectly from its written source. But triple ‘A’ blockbuster movies that cost millions if not billions of dollars to make; can not do the same.

Aside from the expectations that I listed above. The movie can be enjoyed. You need not hold it to the obviously ‘high’ standards that I do. Honestly, I hope you enjoy what is the first summer movie of 2013. I certainly didn’t.

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2 thoughts on “Third time’s a Charm

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    Like

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